Staceyann Chin

Two Nights to report on...

...And the second night is not quite done yet.

Syracuse with Jose and Jordyn and the Kim and Jamaican who is beginning to sound like a Trini...

It was good to be in a place where the snow was callous and the wind was wet upon a wild woman's face. Thank you Syracuse for holding me- so many hands beneath my failing hands- so many hearts who encourage- always they reach for the parts that blink unsure.

The room held most of the parts of my crazy identity.

Asian. Caribbean
Queer
Black

good vibes
breathing heavy pon a midnight rush
pita and John Mayer on a screen

surreal

and it was way to early to leave

way to early for a flight
I could not even eat my toast
french as I am wont to eat eggs and bread
dipped in cinnamon and syrup

Barnard
a tiny place in the large beacon of Columbia
always
Barnard invites me and cradles me

they anticipate most needs
and I was grateful for Raissa
and Gloria
and Maria
and Zoe
and all the names I am not remembering

sitting at Deean's Computer

writing ad lib
opening myself
trying to love the parts that failed in the last
days

the last months have been taxing

but the air seems breathable up here
less tense

I am in my hometown

and I am certain I am
a New Yorker

will always be
one New York Bitch

moving from borough to Borough with revolting under my fist

balled up
like a woman who has a birthday tomorrow
today almost

Days bleed careless into each other
when there is something to celebrate

she loved me
like crazy
and I now know what that feels like

to be loved like that

even if it did not last into five years
even if we fought
and bled
more than we should have

we loved and that was enough

crazyu
but enough for us

we remember that and celebrate
every chance I get
every chance we get

The music interrupting
and me at a party
carving the silly notion out of a journal entry

and nothing is left now
the voices insistent

come away from that screen

leave the words
Staceyann
leave the words you tap at so intently
intense

these words and what they mean to me

I have to go
voices call at me

I have to go

lovers with no face
I must leave
you

though I have so much more to say
would love to tell you of fucking myself in my bed
for the first time in months
today
I came in waves

watched
TV
and ate ramen noodles

in my own house

hotels are hard

but I am going

forgive me
for all that remains to be told

wanting to stay,
Staceyann

Posted by staceyann at November 16, 2003 04:39 AM