Between
the hateful lyrics found in my Jamaican dancehall songs
the backlash from folks
who believe talking about homophobia in the Black Community
is some sort of betrayal of Jesus and RACE
and the winter of America
rushing windy against my face—I am hard pressed
to choose my words with great intent
—so after all the misconceptions
the continued loyalty
and mis-loyalty
the misplaced interpretations of what I said
what I meant
what I intended
how you felt
how we must have felt
I return
resolute to the agitating discussion
I stand by my anger
there is nothing to take back
nothing to apologize for
kinky as is my hair
I belong to this place
these faces
glinting nightfall upon themselves
are reflections of mine
and I will never say sorry
for saying something I know needed to be said
we have a homophobic problem in the Black community
be it Central State
or Spelman
or Morehouse
or Montego Bay
I will say it again Jamaica/Trinidad/Barbados
Ghana
Nigeria
Sudan
Ethiopia
Brazil—
no matter the room in which I find myself—
if it a gathering of Black straight people
I always experience intense homophobia
between the billboards of belief and religion
we lock ourselves into the chasm of victim
take offense at any criticism
we do not want anything said
except
that we are surviving the brutal racism of a global history
I am not only allowed to speak of my community
being a nigger
gives me the absolute right
to bitch about the behavior of boys who could be my brothers
the arrogance of girls who would sooner nail me to a cross
than make room for our similarities
I was grateful
for the handful of voices who did not hiss
and holler nasty manipulations of scripture
at me
at Keith
forgive me if I wished you were more
maybe twice as many
and as loud
as the ones who tried to make me feel
that loving my love
was wrong
nothing feels more right
than her hand on my arm in support
of what we believe
the world we hope to deliver to our children
your children
But we have a motherfucker of a problem
when young people care more
about The Institution
than the quality of their lives after graduation
after you leave those halls
what will you scream for?
what water hoses are you committed to enduring
for civil equality?
What about the fever of HIV/AIDS
spreading forest fire across our community?
the tragedy
is not that you agreed or disagreed
but that the conversation has boiled down
to how flattering I was to the building
Fuck everything else I said!
Fuck any concern I may have uttered about your fathers in prison!
or your sisters who are still being raped
as we read
and write
and pontificate
young men and women
who only went in for the college tuition
are swallowing bullets in Iraq
I say fuck the names of all the schools!
The school
is only the room in which you are seated
the problem is not local
the bigotry is not just yours to claim
it is ours
yours and mine
this struggle against racism
and sexism
and homophobia
in our homes
these difficult arguments pack us crawling helpless onto each the other
trapped in an archaic antagonism
we hold onto fears we should have long put to rest
seal that bubbling barrel with unfair class structures
and there you have us
chained to a narrow strip of thinking
that we have the right to decide
who should do what on matters of God and love
the external powers have used that division to whip us negroes over and over
watch us claw at each other
the mob mentality is wrong
being Gay is no different from being straight
or Muslim
or Christian
or American
or Black
there is nothing wrong with me
and if you insist on saying my love is sin
I will use this pen to poke you new eyes
new ears
I will continue to draw different visions
until we can both see each other a little clearer
the Black community has got to make space
for all the Black voices that want to sing
this issue may have provoked itself
at Central State
but ask Keith
he will tell you it is not unusual
for Black faces to applaud when we say racism is an issue
but you mostly sit silent when we say sexuality
you have got to make space for us
don’t fucking tolerate me
fight with me for my right to live
and love
as I choose
we are not going away, brothers and sisters
better get used to the phenomenon
get used to the sound of our voice
make space for the nigger-fairies
and faggots and trannies and such
we intend to keep raising hell
until you stop telling us
that we are not allowed
to live our version of what we know to be heaven,
to respond go to
peace and poetry,
Staceyann