I marched with BABLAR (black and brown lesbian against racism) in the Pride March on Sunday.
I was buoyed and carried into small heavens of belonging when the crowd roared
and screamed and responded with love
to a sea of allies mixed in with Black and Latina lesbians who cared about black babies and Mexican grandmothers
they read the signs we had spent hours and hours making
in my Brooklyn apartment
Aqui Negrita Means love
Proud Black Feminist
Get Your Faith Out My Pussy
I Want To Get Married but I Need Healthcare First
we laughed and took pictures
and hugged each other in the rain
my life changed that afternoon
As per usual
the world turned without ceasing
without grieving
or plaques or pleasures printed
screened
blown up and laminated
anniversaries pass
and the relevant take note
the rest
move rote through the landscape of belief
or incredulity
then I went to see Al Gore's
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
and walked away silenced
and awed by the damage we are inflicting on our home. I am not always sure there is anything else
after death
there may be nothing
to note
to survive
no gates
no greater part of consciousness
and if by caprice
we are allowed back into the cul de sac of this planet
we may or may not be aware
that we treasured one heart beat over the next
nothing is promised
science and spirituality are at war
and we are killing each other over the rituals
and rites of this faith or that
faith is the brown mouth of a child free from flies
and plagues unnamed
love is less what parts of us
are placed passionately beside
beneath
or inside whom
moreso
it is what happens when there is a need and we rise to meet it
from far away
the earth looked perfectly in the balance of things unknown
rivers
trees
lakes
seas
skies
mountains
metal
oil
concrete
displacement
people in America are responsible for polluting and drying up life-sustaining bodies of water outside of America
and yet these same neanderthals
are calling for the errection of walls
to keep those without clean water from drinking in America
ain't that some shit folks
ain't that some motherfucking shit!
so I am considering becoming a TREE HUGGER
no so much with the emphasis on hugging a tree
but fighting for the right of all the citizens of our planet
to have a tree
to hug
if there are healthy trees
chances are there will be clean water
if there is clean water
it stands to reason there may be food
if a people can feed itself
they are less at the mercy of those who would use hunger as a tool of exploitation
I need to write more
I need to write more frequently
I need to write more frequently about the things that matter
I need to write more frequently about the things that matter to people
to me
when I was a tiny girl
I faced each day
dukes up
I had no idea
the fights then
were soft practice for the war being raged against my body
as a woman
as a black woman
as a black woman lesbian
a promise
to Little Staceyann
to remember the roaches
the hunger
the shame
the laughter
the sweet sweet naseberries
the first poem on my tongue
the daffodils
by William Wordsworth
suffering has many faces
many sides
and that we suffer does not mean
we do not laugh
with dignity and open hands
Brown biracial baby
capitulated into a struggle that was here before I was born
my job is to battle as best as my pen can slice into paper
to never forget
that the struggle is called struggle
because it continues
egos cannot survive in its wake
the powers that hold truths at arms length
are invested in our ego
I fight
everyday I fight
for the bodies not yet born
for the bodies that fight alongside me
for those that will not
racism
misogyny
classism
I have changed so much in ten years
who would have thought I could be here
so far from home
so firmly seated in being stranger
and soldier in an army without guns
Little Staceyann has grown soft
and hard around the relevant edges
sweating
in a room of wooden floors in Washington Heights,
Staceyann